Adversity and Strife

Life is bound to throw you curveballs from time to time and sometimes these repeated beat downs of bad luck can really discourage you from accomplishing more. For instance, let me tell you a story of one of the most challenging times in my own life that I needed to overcome.

When I was 22 years old, I lived in Chicago, had a great job, lived the high life and really didn't have much of a care in the world. One night I went out to a party and ended up getting out of my cab early to walk the remainder of my journey home. When walking home, less than a block away from my apartment and in a very good neighborhood, I had a gun put to my head.

This man took my wallet, jacket, cell phone, pager and all the money in my pocket (a whole 3 dollars). During this experience, after he took all my possessions, he wanted for me to go behind a building out of site from anyone who may possibly be able to see this and stop it. I decided that he was most likely going to have me kiss the ground, count to one hundred and possibly put a bullet in me. I decided to not go behind the building and would not follow him or comply any further. This decision resulted in some firm consequences. He then hit me with the head of the gun squarely, right between my eyebrows and blood started to trickle down my face as my skin broke and my skull cracked then caved in slightly. I stumbled for a brief moment (it could have been hours), realized that I was still alive and standing. Looked at the man with the gun still staring at me and I ran.

After this experience, I was a different person. I couldn't trust or really talk to anyone. I had difficulty leaving my apartment and when I did, I always looked behind me every five steps. The wounds on my face healed but I felt broken. I suffered from anxiety, stress and could barely sleep. My spirit had suffered a major setback and even today I still have to keep my thoughts of the experience from corrupting the rest of me.

We can be conditioned from these types of events to live life with more caution and eventually throw ourselves out from the experience, wonder and adventure that life truly is all about.

You need to understand one basic fundamental in order to beat adversity and strife. Life goes on. Such a simple statement but yet such a hard concept to grasp. People have so many expectations, predictions and ideals that disillusion that one sentence. Now think about this one. No matter what happens to you or anyone else in life it still goes on! The key is learning how to deal with it.

For me, it took learning on how to trust people again; especially strangers after this incident took place in my life. For you, it could be anything. If you lose your job and your family is going to have some very hard times ahead. You need to make sure your own value isn't degraded when you are struggling to find a new job while scraping loose change together to eat. How do you overcome something when you know you must take a lesser job that you are qualified for to make sure your family can move on? Do you continue to look for new work?


Abolishing Fear:

Fear and worry can be such a dominating force in our life that it hooks us into inaction.

For me, it took me a long time for me to think that every next second may not be my last. I had to reprogram my brain again to conclude that hey, if I were to actually die today, that my life wasn't a waste. That I have helped people or at least done my best to do so. That when people look back on me that they can say "He was a good man". I want my life to have value. I want my life to be worthwhile for others. I want to be a great father. I want to teach others how to be a great person as well. I live for these things. I live to make my life and anyone who is around me better, manageable and not overwhelming. At the end of the day I want people to know this and when I pass on I hopefully can look down upon the ones that I have helped and smile.

The worth in my own life makes me push on and try to succeed for more and not to fear these things that are completely out of my control. Life goes on when you continue to fear the worst and life goes on when you fear the least. How do you want to live?

If you are in the group where you have lost your job, your family is in danger of losing their home and you need to find "something" to get by and at least be able to feed them all. You know for your skills and what your salary requirements, it will take longer than you can possibly afford. You know that you are going to have to take on some new "quick work" in order to keep your family safe and fed. You have no idea you will make it through the rest of it. You need to find yourself whatever is going to suffice for now. Get yourself that low paying job at McDonalds if you have to. Get yourself something so you have some income. I know it’s not going to be fun but this is where you start.

You need to learn to ask for help. Your family and your friends can help you look for jobs. I have friends who are always sending me ads from Monster.com or something that would be right up my alley. Create a group of people who are willing to help YOU in a time of need as you would do for them. If you need to take on two to three jobs to keep your head above water you are probably not going to have time to do it all by yourself.

Now here is where the fear kicks in. You find a somewhat O.K. job out there but its still not what you want to do or what you were doing in your last job that let you go. Do you take the risk and go out and get the better paying job or the one with a little more risk involved if that’s what you really want to do? DAMN RIGHT YOU DO! Don't fear the "what if's". You need for your life to meet your needs. If you don't you are going to be that 22 year old kid who kept looking behind him every five steps waiting for someone to whack him.

Look, I am not telling you to take stupid risks here by throwing yourself into harms way purposely! But risk is a critical and essential part of life. Going the safe route isn't what you really want to do and you don't want to look back in 20 years with a "What If" or a "I wish I tried.....” Make life gratifying for you and you alone and you know you can make it gratifying for others.

So pull up your bootstraps, find your value and make this life yours to live!

The Power of Selfishness

A little while back I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who was practically begging me for help. Then, just about in the same sentence, told me that my advice was horrible! Since I always say "Do what is best for you and no one else". This is true; I do say that to many people who come to me with external problems that were brought upon by themselves.

"You cannot expect anyone to come by on a white horse, sweep you off your feet and solve all of your problems for you!"
-me

This may come off a bit harsh and you should know by now that there are many circumstances in your life that are completely out of your control. However, it is your responsibility to deal with those problems properly. Your reactions are critical in dealing with the unexpected speed bumps that are in your life. But I digress.... I am straying off topic.


Remember when you were a teenager and your buddies got their hands on a bottle of booze? You are nervous because you know your not supposed to drink and they are all egging you on to take just a little sip. Next thing you know you’re puking your brains out and your parents are not very happy with you. You knew you shouldn't have done it! You knew you were going to be grounded for a week once they caught you! You did it anyway. You wanted to fit in. This is where selfishness comes into play. I'm not talking about stealing lollypops from babies or anything, I am talking about positive selfishness. Once you have mastered the art of how to be selfish in the right ways you can accomplish many things.


You need to learn what is best for you and your situation. If you don't know what is best for you by now, you probably shouldn't be reading this. This is such an essential part of life that you cannot ignore it. Your life, sanity, self-respect, personal image and goals depend on it.


Learn to step back from a situation and determine what is best for you. Sacrifices will have to be made from time to time but your values need to firm. We as people continue to get stuck in these traps because we want usually want something out of these situations that we stick ourselves in. See where negative selfishness comes in here?


You may want to fit in so you are going to follow the pack and do something stupid, off the cuff or just not anything that you are really into. You may not want to let someone down, so you go out to the bar the night before a big meeting at work. You may want to fill an empty hole that is in your own life so you meet some random guy/girl out at night sleep with them so you can remind yourself that you are still desirable. You may think it’s too late to change your mind.


You need to take a few steps back in these situations and not let yourself get caught up in the riptide. Being selfish is not always about greed. It's not about the brat of the group who always says "if we are not going to this place, I'm not coming". This is not about taking things to far where you turn people off. It's all about making sure you are taking care of you first. Once you learn how to master the art of positive selfishness, people will observe you differently. They will see you more as a leader than a follower. They will know you are not one who just goes with the crowd. They will see you as an individual.


No one out there is going to carry the torch for you. That is your job. You carry your own torch and if you carry it high enough, people will notice.


Hold your head up high. Stay positive. Stay determined. Stay focused. Prosper.

Combating Laziness

Have you ever thought to yourself before ,"I am just such a lazy, worthless, slacker"? Do you have trouble just getting your motivated enough to jump off of the couch to actually do something you want to do? Or try something new? Or just make some minor changes in your life? Well read on because here are a few quick tips on how to defeat your inner-slacker with a beat down it will not soon forget!

First of all, laziness is a cancer. Nothing will ever change in your life as long as you do nothing about it. Me, I used to be a slacker by heart. I was a lazy, worthless, slacker. I know this. I realize that this is part of who I was and had to fight my "do nothing" attitude every step of the way on my path to greatness (Well not great, just pretty cool, ya know?). The thing that people need to figure out is that they need to sacrifice certain things in their lives in order to make a change.

What holds you back from getting things done? Do you sit on your computer for hours on end playing World of Warcraft, browse MySpace looking profiles until bed or surf Match.com to meet the special someone whom you haven't even tried to e-mail yet? Do you sit on your couch when you get home and watch T.V., order a pizza and fall asleep?

For me, I am a computer geek (I'm sure you guys figured that one already). I can literally waste an entire day at my computer without doing one productive thing on it but I can at least tell you what the newest gadgets that are coming out and tell you absolutely everything that is going on in the world. But you know, thats not going to get me anywhere in life.

You will probably not like my answer to this very important question on how to beat laziness. You simply need to get off ass and start doing things. Now the big question is how?

First of all, you need to identify the things that you want to change in your life. Is your house a mess? Ugly furniture, disorganized to the point where you can't even find your bed? Do you want to get a better job? What do you want to do? Identifying what you really want is essential to defeating your lazy/slacker dark side.

So lets start on your home:

Your house pretty much needs a new .....everything..... so how can you change this huge overwhelming problem to suit your needs and ability? You need to break these things down so you are able to deal with them all one piece at a time. Start will your bathroom for instance. You need a new sink, toilet, floor and furnishings.
PLAN:

• How much is this going to cost?
• itemize the cost of everything including your time

• How much time is this going to take to prepare and complete
• You need to figure out, first the things you need and then actually get them before you do a single thing. You can't start a project until you have all of your tools.

• You need to figure out how much time this is going to take you
• This is extremely important because you want to have a completion date on this project.

SCHEDULE:

• You need to make time everyday for you to work on your project! If you don't make time for you to do this, you will not do a single thing. You need to figure out when you can afford all the materials for your project. Start buying one thing at a time as much as you can afford. If you don't do this, you are not committing yourself to this project.
• Now that you have purchased all of your materials you need to get out your handy calendar and task list and start figuring out how much time you can dedicate to this project every day. Don't have one? Get one! It is essential for you to remember what the hell you are doing and when its going to be done!
• You need to make time for this and the only way to do that is to make sure that you spend a certain amount of time on this project everyday. DO NOT over commit yourself! Don't say "Okay, well I'm going to spend 4 hours on this project every night and negate my health, safety and sleep to complete this". Setup your MINIMUM requirements on what you need to do to complete this project on time. Say you figure that it will take you two months if you work on this project 30 minutes per day. Now you have only committed 1/2 an hour out of your day to work on this so you are not overwhelmed. If you go over that everyday, fine! Great! That means if something unforeseen hits you across the face, you can still be ahead of the game.

DO IT!:

• So much easier said than done I know. But you are trying to create habits and defeat your inner-slacker. Stay focused. Stay moving. When you get home from work you should make sure this is one of the first things you do! If you sit down and watch your favorite program "Ellen!" you will not want to get up again. You need to keep yourself in step with the process of making yourself more productive. You keep moving and you will more than likely be able to stay moving. You start slacking off and you will more than likely be slacking off by the time you need to sleep.

Good luck, this is a huge change. It is hard to defeat your body and minds desire for the simple pleasures of life, like Oprah and bonbons. But when you start pushing yourself to complete tasks and you pick them apart logically and one by one, you will be make steady strides to a better, happier and more fulfilling life!

How to do something for yourself

People like to wait for things to happen for them. Not realizing that life doesn't just hand things out for you! No matter what you want in life, you are going to have to put yourself out there and work for it. Sound simple enough? What do you want and what have you done to get it?

Take a look at relationships for instance. So you are lonely and want to meet someone new and possibly engage in all the fun hand holding and ankle gazing that all you kids are into these days. So what have you done to have this happen? Do you go out to bars in hopes of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right? ....now I'm sure that anyone you have met at a bar is just top notch and someone you are ready to bring home to mom and dad. So you keep doing this over and over again expecting a different result. This is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. To all of you people who are living this, go out and find new activities. Start going to the gym. Maybe find a book club (yes, I am serious). Maybe join a co-ed team sport. It really doesn't matter what it is but you need to get yourself out there to meet new people, different people and people who are actually sober enough to have a conversation with. Get out there and do something you will find interesting. You will meet more people than you imagined. Thats a much better approach than going to the bar and asking the nearest dame "Hey baby, how you doin'?".

Starting your own business is the same thing really. You go to your job you go home and you following your old routine. Well, have you read any books on starting your business? Have you made any plans other than "Step 1) Start company, Step 2 .... , Step 3 Make millions!"?

You need to look into what your interests are and try and integrate them into what you want to do. The best way to figure this out is research your interests. Find out as much as you can about the stuff you like. Is there something that you could improve upon in the toilet bowl cleaning business? Well if that is your.....um.....hobby find a way to make it happen!

You just need to know how to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and start working on something for a change. Don't let youself get overwhelmed and have that eat away at you. You can do this, just maintain focus, set your goals and make it happen!

Overcome

One of the hardest things to do in life is to overcome yourself. You spend your life living with your fears, thoughts and regrets. We, as people, can impede our progress by our thoughts. We are the ones that are holding ourselves back from achieving something truly special, whatever that may be.

I have personally spent years trying to get over my own personal hiccups. What I have realized, over my few short years, is that factoring your own personal issues will get to the root cause on why your life has not been fulfilling for you. Here is what I have discovered in my own journey in making my life a fulfilling and meaningful one. I have made a decision to succeed and these are the obstacles that I had to overcome.

Complacency:
This is the number one reason why we decide to give up on the pursuit of making our lives great and we settle for a steady paying job which gives us a paycheck every two weeks instead of taking the risks that make life worth living.

We are all stuck in a society that just wants you to forget to work hard and keep trying in life. They want to blur your vision with the superstars of the hour or what is going on in Brittany Spears' life. They want you to waste your life away stuck in front of that TV of yours so you can go out and buy the next product that they plug during the commercial breaks.

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube.

Many people will say, "Well.... I've had a hard days work and I think I deserve it" but when you wake up and see what it is doing to you you will understand that it is turning you into a slave.

Complacency takes time. You start watching your TV to relax at night, you take care of your work, your family and your favorite hobby and you stop. You allow yourself to fall into the trap where most people are stuck today.

Fear:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. "
Thomas A. Edison

People use fear to keep themselves from succeeding in life just as easily as you become complacent. Life lessons have taught you that failing is unacceptable, that if you fail you are loser, that you don't know what you are doing, that you will never achieve. This garbage is crammed down your throat since grade school and is another huge component on why you are running stagnant in life.

I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why... I succeed.

Michael Jordan

You will fail in life! ....So what though? You will learn and improve. You will take those lessons and the next time you try it, you will be more likely to succeed.

Depression:
When you are depressed life can be hard. You fall into this never ending loop of being unable to control your life. You don't do anything because you are depressed and you make yourself even more depressed by not doing anything. I will devote much more time to this particular subject later on how your happiness is key to your success. The advice that I will give you now is to get out and get active. Friendship is crucial to overcome this obstacle. Get yourself into a group, maybe a volleyball group that you meet once a week or a hobby club for your interests. But get yourself out of your house and start living for yourself.

Time:
I am way to busy to go back to college. I just can't take the time to exercise three times a week. I can't start my company because I work to much with my paying job.

Does any of that sound familiar? When you don't make time for something you are allowing your life to control "you" and not you controlling your own life like it should be. Need I say more? Life is going to throw this at you for your entire life. You need to learn where to make the sacrifices so you can make time to accomplish your goals.

Excuses:
As you look at all of these topics, depression aside, these are all excuses that need to be overcome. We will continue to find excuses for ourselves to keep us from living the life that we want and stuck in the mundane existence that we have created all on our own. Stop blaming all of these external factors for you not achieving your goals. It's all in your head!

I will get into how to overcome each and every one of these as we continue forward. I first what you to try and recognize what you are up against, in your head, and where you fit into these categories. I am also curious if I left anything out.

What is your excuse?

What do you need to overcome?

Let me know! Lets get this topic moving!

In between the gutter and the stars.

Are you in a place in your life where everything has run stagnant? Where you have a better than O.K. job and you realize that if you stay at this pace in 30 years you will be able to retire and live the good life? Have you always wanted to strive for more but somehow got stuck in this hole where you cannot get out?!

You my friend, are stuck between the gutter and the stars. You have done well enough to keep yourself out of poverty but yet you haven't made the changes necessary to take your life to the next level. You realize that your job is never going to get you the independence that you look for. This is what so many of us are stuck to in our lives.

I have lived this life for to long. I had made a decision to never live in the mundane again. I have made some amazing steps in my quest to make this life one to write stories about!

In this blog I want you to fill yourself with the information that I put into these articles and try to apply my advice in your own life. I also want you to pose me with your own questions. I want to know about your own hardships and how you can overcome them. The more you put into this the more productive this blog will become.

My name is Dave Taylor and I am here to help you turn your life around.